Commentary: Making Twilight Alright

In my eyes there are two types of movie watchers:

1. Those who wait to buy their favorite on DVD, and then watch it three more times along with all the special features…..
2. And those who don’t.

You could also divide up the movie-watcher population another way:

1. Those who think Twilight was a genuinely good movie…..
2. And those who don’t.

Okay, when it comes to movie-watchers I am not hardcore. I don’t watch special features and I don’t care much for the theatrical-extended-special-edition-you’ll-die-it’s-so-woah trailer, (so PLEASE can we just watch the movie now?) I’m sorry to say I’ve burst the fan-girl bubble on a few of my friends before, especially when it comes to Twilight. So if you told me that I would spend precious days of my winter break watching the Eclipse DVD commentary, then I 100% would not believe you.
But that’s what I did.
Twice.

Let me just say that I didn’t make this discovery myself. I got the idea from the internet, where else, and decided I had to check it out. I got the DVD from my sister’s room, (unopened she would have you know), and sat down with much skepticism.
I selected the commentary option recorded by Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, the two main stars of the 4-movie franchise. These two are as famous for their spontaneity and awkwardness as they are for their actual roles, and I was about to see why. Their off-hand and unfiltered conversation was refreshingly real, never mind the fact that they repeatedly acknowledged the faults in their own movie.

Here a few of my favorite snippets:

Rob: Xavier would make a wonderful hamburger. He’s just dripping right now.
Kristen: That’s so gross.
Rob: We’re not in the scene, so it’s irrelevant.

Rob: God, what is Edward going on about half the time?
Kristen: Does it matter?
Rob: No, it doesn’t matter.

(In this scene, Edward surprises Bella by waiting in her car)
Bella (in movie): You scared me!
Rob (in a deep voice): I was trying to. I thought you’d like that. I’m batman.

Rob: Peter also uses his wig as a cereal bowl. He’ll sometimes have some, like, Top Ramen in it.
Kristen: The milk is what makes it stick.

(When Bella rides off with Jacob on his motorcycle)
Kristen: She’s allowed to have other relationships.
Rob: Why? No, she’s not allowed to have other relationships. If I ever saw my girlfriend go around with these bunch of guys with little shirts, bellies out, and their fake tanned nipples…fake tattoos…

(all during a particular mushy scene in which Edward proposes to Bella)
Rob: Extraordinary is very hard to say in an American accent…extraordinary?
Kristen: Awwww. This is such a stupid movie!

(Rob asks Kristen what she’ll look like as a vampire)
Kristen: Basically, I’m going to be really white. I don’t know.
Rob: Nobody cares about girl vampires.

(Jacob gets mad about the engagement)
Kristen: That’s dangerous.
Rob: I can kick his ass off in two seconds.

(Battle scene)
Rob: I don’t need a pack to get this on. Just me ‘n BooBoo.
Kristen: You don’t need a six pack or a wolf pack.
Rob: Just my badass wristband.

Rob: See that little laugh, it was supposed to mean something. That’s how deep my performance was.

Rob: This T-shirt I’m wearing , I remember it had a little piece of wire inside the collar so it can look like rumpled however you want it…the most like intense form of pretentious dishevelment I’ve ever seen in my life.

Rob: My eyelids are like your eyelids in this scene…
Kristen: The musings of Rpattz in the commentary of Eclipse….

Alright so what have I learned from all this. Those fans that are crazy enough to sit down and watch a movie for its commentary? They’re not so crazy after all. Those fans who sit down to watch a Twilight movie? Still crazy. But, with the hidden treasures of commentary, it could actually be a worthwhile experience. So, the next time you just want a good laugh, try it out. Just be prepared to explain to your roommate when they find you during a kissing scene.

Written by: Molly Klemarczyk

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Posted on January 28, 2012, in Films, Reviews. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Ghandi the Ginormous

    This is really funny, thanks for posting this. Who knew they were real people with personalities?

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